Making a List, Checking it Twice

I feel better after Wednesday, when I was frustrated at myself for not being able to complete a goal list for the first of the month.  After writing about what I thought was bothering me, I took a hot shower from head to toe, and unblocked my mind.  Before the clock struck midnight, I was able to produce a list.

Sometimes, we have to take a moment and focus on what we are doing.  It sounds so easy to do yet it is a difficult thing to do.  To really sit down in silence.  Unplug the laptop, power down the iPhone, music off, refusal to speak to friends, and even ignoring the carrier pigeon that is pecking on the window. Tap tap.  Tap tap.   Fly away, son.  Some people will keep trying to reach you when you do not immediately answer the text they sent.  They will escalate the methods to reach you.  When you finally respond, asking what the heck (I said something not so PG-13) they want, they say something totally stupid like “I didn’t hear from you so I didn’t know what was up”…with what?...”nothing really”…so why did you blow my phone up?...”chill”…no, you chill.  Power off for real, stink face optional.

To figure out what is bothering me, I sit quietly.  All electronics off, no sounds from anything.  I even bribed the pigeons to put the tapping on hold.

I take deep breaths.  I began to relax with some stretches.  I stretched by looking up to the ceiling, chin up and then looking down, chin to chest.  I then rotated my head slowly to the left and right.  Then a shoulder roll forward, a shoulder roll backward.  I kept going until I had stretched and loosened up my muscles.

I cleared my mind of all thoughts.  The desire was to have no concern about how I would word my feelings, I just wanted to know what the feelings were.  I had confidence that I could take a raw emotion and process it down to a business decision.  Like finding a piece of compressed carbon and polishing it until it is a sparkly, clear diamond.

When I felt ready, I let the feelings come out.  How did  I feel about what I was currently doing, where was it taking me, where did I want it to take me, what was an expected discomfort versus what was toxic on the job.  After the rough draft of my feelings poured out, I had something to work with.

My habit is to counter negative feelings with positive reinforcement.  What I mean by that is when I have something that is making me feel bad, down, tired, or any other negative feeling I like to do something to counter it.  For example, I was experiencing stress from feeling like I was not being heard so I decided to counter that feeling with speaking to colleagues in a support group.  To bounce ideas off of people who do the same work as you does wonders for your feelings.  It gives you clarity, you are not harshly judged because these people deal with the same situations that you do, and you feel lifted up.  You can speak freely and you can speak often.  You can find a shoulder to lean on and you can strengthen yourself for when you will be the shoulder to someone else.

After letting off the steam, I was ready to get myself stronger.  I called a friend that I trust to tell every dirty detail and we had a nice dinner.  She listened and let me speak uninterrupted.  She laughed with me.  She asked questions and provided me with wisdom from her own experiences. 

Needless to say, I am brand new after making my list, relaxing my mind, and speaking to my support group.  I will continue on the road to finding ways to bring myself closer to my goals. There is no way I want to let stress defeat me.  I am encouraged and I hope that I was able to encourage someone else.

Making Goals

Did you ever have the kind of day where you question what you are doing?  Where you are going in life, career or personal life?

Today was that kind of day for me.  I felt so down, trying to manage my career and find something to focus on as a goal. I could not think of one goal.  On the first of each month, I try to sit down and make a list of goals.  Today, I failed.  There was not one thing I could think of to write down.  It could be that I was too busy to sit down and make the list, or it could be that today just is not the day that I should be thinking of goals.

When I was a small girl, I used to think of all these fabulous scenarios that I would find myself in as a grown up.  Maybe it's because I had Barbie dolls.  Barbie had everything.  She had a camper, an airplane, a kitchen that had a light up microwave and rotisserie with a browned plastic chicken in it.  My Barbie dressed better than me, with her high heeled pumps and pink plaid mini skirt with jacket.  I wore my sister's hand me downs, even though we had different body styles.  I also had rainbow jeans and my favorite graphic tees, but still, Barbie was coordinated where I was just wearing clothes.  There's a difference.  I wanted to be more like Barbie.  She was always smiling.  She worked wherever she wanted, be it as an airline pilot or the flight attendant.  She had sports cars, a faithful boyfriend, and friends that smiled the same frozen plastic grin.  The child that was me would imagine working wherever I wanted and whatever I wanted to be just like Barbie.  Real life would dictate what I was doing and where I was going in my career and personal life.

So I am downshifting gears right now, ending the work day and giving attention to my goals list.  Before I go to sleep, I want to at least start a list.  I do not want to have a day that I give up on myself.  Even if it says "to be continued".

Barbie would never give up.  Hell, that's why she drives a red Corvette.