Workplace Friendships

Does friendship happen in the workplace?   My answer is based on what I know to be true, from reading about workplace friendships and experiencing workplace friendships.  My answer is no.

A few years ago, I found a temporary, part time job to supplement my income. Before my first day on the job, I began planning how I would deal with co-workers.  The history I have had with co-workers focusing on personal issues rather than work issues made me anticipate that it would happen yet again.  So, I decided that I would begin this new job with a specific and calculated way of interacting with co-workers.  I would not get into personal conversations, I would not link up right away with any one coworkers, and I would not gossip with co-workers about the boss.

On the first day of work, I introduced myself to coworkers.  I made a point to smile, extend my hand, and speak about my background in the business.  If someone began to get personal, I did not answer the question.  I hoped that it would set the tone that I was about getting to work and not getting personal.  I was there to make money, not friends.  There is truth to that statement, even if you are a super friendly person who goes with the flow and answers every question asked of you.  Eventually, it is revealed which coworkers are truly a friend, just friendly, or are not friendly at all to you.   I made a conscious choice to be in control of placing coworkers in a clearly defined box.  You are a coworker.  We will interact during work hours for work purposes. 

Although I was assigned to shadow a coworker, I did not want to blur lines between learning the business from the coworker and being friends with the coworker.  There would be personal chats.  I kept it about business, using friendly tones to discuss what the policies and procedures were and how they made sense in the everyday work flow.

It was tempting to listen to gossip about people on the job, but I had to walk away when I heard the gossiping commence.  I did not want the reputation of being a gossip and find my name involved in some office scandal.  One type of gossip that was to be avoided at all costs was gossip about the boss.  I did not want my name to be attached to malicious, ugly words that were meant to belittle the boss.  Even if I sat around and listened, my name could be mentioned along with the gossip.  As most gossip gets back to the person spoken about, the boss would not care if I was the one speaking the gossip or listening to the gossip.  Either way, I would seem like a bad employee. 

My experiment in office friendships ended well.  I learned about the industry and had a great relationship with the boss.  He asked me to return after the assignment was completed.  The coworkers who seemed to be genuinely decent people, I kept in touch with.  After some time, I felt comfortable getting personal with one person.  I found no joy in gossiping about other coworkers, we were busy enjoying the discovery of things we had in common.  We discovered that we both had common life experiences in July, having to do with a sibling, in the same year.  I do not believe that we would have been able to maintain a healthy friendship while working together.  What do you think about workplace friendships?